Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we're so committed to being not committed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
