Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
