I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im part way to drunk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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