How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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