I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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