This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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