Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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