I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
