I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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