a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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