i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Randomize
