As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
