You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
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You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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