My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize