I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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