ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
And then he peed in my hair
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