i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
