Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
