If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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