They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
