u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
