I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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