Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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