What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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