**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
