I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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