if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
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Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow