I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
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Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
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Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.