Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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