Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.

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  (360): So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times. http://tfl.nu/ca4m
  Replies (5) Good night (4255) Bad night (536)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.

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  (267): New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/d4tz
  Replies (28) Good night (2109) Bad night (4743)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.

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  (301): Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background. http://tfl.nu/pa5j
  Replies (23) Good night (5558) Bad night (742)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.

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  (860): i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess. http://tfl.nu/ekn6
  Replies (9) Good night (843) Bad night (4779)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.

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  (404): Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption. http://tfl.nu/47c6
  Replies (24) Good night (6115) Bad night (1186)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same

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  (203): so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same http://tfl.nu/kiu0
  Replies (19) Good night (6016) Bad night (885)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot

  (313): View more from Michigan

  He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all

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  (313): I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot (313): He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all http://tfl.nu/6st3
  Replies (23) Good night (7663) Bad night (835)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.

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  (248): Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated. http://tfl.nu/1crf
  Replies (21) Good night (2050) Bad night (2928)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.

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  (270): I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk. http://tfl.nu/wgbm
  Replies (9) Good night (1676) Bad night (543)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.

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  (586): We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate. http://tfl.nu/plc2
  Replies (2) Good night (1763) Bad night (634)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now

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  (423): So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now http://tfl.nu/44f0
  Replies (13) Good night (448) Bad night (1083)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.

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  (520): You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee. http://tfl.nu/cxay
  Replies (1) Good night (192) Bad night (807)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect

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  (302): I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect http://tfl.nu/trg6
  Replies (1) Good night (430) Bad night (230)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.

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  (540): I just told the sun to stop. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/3xc8
  Replies (3) Good night (451) Bad night (188)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order

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  (416): i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order http://tfl.nu/07m4
  Replies (3) Good night (521) Bad night (146)

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