He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life