I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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