There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
