she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
