I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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