At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
