I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
