community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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