sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
