my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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