I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
