I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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