So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
