Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
