ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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