Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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