You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
