It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
