I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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