i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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