how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
