Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
