those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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