you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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