Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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