I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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