She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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