between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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