I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They took my balls.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
