I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
