walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
