the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize