i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you will always have a special place in my vag
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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