My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
