I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
