dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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