Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
