3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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