It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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