Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
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you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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