I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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