note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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