My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
