i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
