we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
