That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
