my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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