Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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