Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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