he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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