She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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