If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
